Devotion

Devotion

To Life
To Love
To Friendship
To Family
To Freedom
To Health
To Yourself
To Others

This word popped in my mind... don't know why, or maybe I do. I feel I'm not devoting enough time to any of those above, and all because of the evil words WORK (unpaid work by the way...!) and MONEY.
It is unfortunate that work and money can influence our lives so much. How did we get here? I am tired of being a prisoner of goods I cannot afford, I do not want and which I know I do not miss or need. 
I feel a huge weight over my shoulders, coming from the people who should be my number one supporters... the same who promised unconditional love ever after. And it hurts. It hurts like hell knowing you've got someone so close telling lies about you on your back. Planting ideas in people's minds that aren't true. I hate you. And you can't even read English.
I am coward and selfish. I rather keep everything still than to speak up once and for all. I can't. There are innocents who depend on the devil to survive. Literally. And even though they have few years left to live they have to put up with all the hate, anger, disrespect from those they helped to rise. It's sad.
Revenge serves no purpose but to transform you in your own enemy. But sometimes feels like that's all you've got left in your heart... so you need to fight it with Love and more Love and tender Love...

Oh sweet energy of the universe... fill my mind and my chest with warm thoughts and let them breed!

I wish you a night of hope...


 

New Year, New Life...

... and we're in 2013! Wow!

Time flies... First thought in: this is the year I'll turn 30. I look back and I like what I see :) I feel good and wouldn't have done it in any other way :) ... And I've never been SO in Love! ;)

I feel like a new cycle is about to start and I look forward for the new challenges ahead.
Tomorrow is the "first day of my life" in many years: I'm starting a part-time job as an administrative in a consulting firm. I'll be responsible for the paperwork, insurance simulations and contracts. I'm also getting training on the new rules for the electricity market that will be in place in 2015 after a 2-year transition period. So... no, nothing to do with clinical trials (apparently I'm too high skilled for those jobs.. lol), but I'm really excited!! :):) I'm addicted to new challenges, to new knowledge, to transformation... just can't help it! The guy actually hired me even though I told him I didn't want to make this my full-time job and I could leave anytime.. because I'm actually looking for a position in the pharmaceutical industry, but he appreciated my honesty and my pro-active attitude in doing what it takes to get my ass out of home and generate value!

I realize I have to take few steps back and explain where I stand these days. Let's start with the "unfinished" business: PhD. I had my defense last November, I really enjoyed the 2,5 hour discussion, I passed! And I got my list of minor corrections last month, which I haven't started on yet... but should do so pretty soon! Anyway, already feels like a closed chapter :)

Back in October last year, I started a post-graduation in pharmaceutical medicine at the university of Aveiro (www.pharmaceutical-medicine.pt) in order to pursuit a career in the clinical research field - most of which is sponsored by the pharmaceutical industry.  It's been a very interesting journey and so far it has exceeded my expectations.  Unfortunately, despite all my efforts to find an entry-level or a trainee position as a clinical research assistant, I am yet to find a job where I can use my past experience as a researcher and my training in pharmaceutical medicine to contribute to a much needed change in the health business paradigm in Portugal: create the conditions to bring more clinical trials to our country and with it external investment,and thus more jobs. But most importantly, to bring new alternative therapies for our patients that our country couldn't access or pay for otherwise.

One of the things I've heard lately is that recruiters and employers fear that recruiting "highly-skilled" people (which are nothing but PhD geeks to their eyes) for administrative/regulatory jobs will eventually lead to demotivation of the employee... Well, let me tell you two things: first, although I need  to have a job (ANY) to feel useful and mentally healthy (after all one of the very basic definitions of being Human is to be Social), I don't need an interesting job to have an interesting and challenging life (though money does help! basic rule - work to survive); second and most important: your work is what you make of it, and if my goal in few years time is to be part of a team that puts together a clinical trial protocol, starting as a data entry manager or monitor will give me access to a lot of information which I can use to learn and evolve - that's the difference between being a "trapped" genius and being a pro-active averagely intelligent person...! From my point of view... Anyway, what a pointless discussion... I'm just so tired of being labelled !!!
Why can't people just look at my PhD as a long term project that I successfully finished, and like in any other project I had to handle a great deal of frustration, criticism, ignorance; I had to manage my time, set milestones, make choices and accept them, because that's what my PhD journey meant to me - overcome but also learn from my limitations, overcome myself !!
And I can and will do it  all over again in whatever workd field I choose to pursuit.

Meantime, I'll just enjoy having a regular job after having spent 6 years of my life in academia. What a Joy :)


A luta continua! ;)