2015

2015 was a rough year. A roller-coaster of emotions with no pre-warning.

2015 was the year my daughter Leonor turned 1 year old, and yet I don't have one single photo of our 'family' together to remember her birthday party. And despite being partly my fault, it just tears me apart... Sometimes I hate the "family" concept.

2015 was a year of too many doubts, many tears, much wondering, many "what ifs...", a year of wasted time in personal terms. Too much pain and no gain.

In 2015 I didn't love myself enough. And that turned out to be my biggest mistake.  You can't love others fully until you accept and love yourself. Happy people don't make the same mistake twice.

2015 was a year of fear... fear of failing, fear of quitting, fear of hating, fear of loving plenty, fear of loosing, fear of moving on...

2015 was also the year I realized that when two people have problems in their relationship they are the only ones to blame for. It's pointless to bring into your own home other people's attitudes and choices, it only increases their manipulative power over your own life.

2015 was also a year of reconciliation and learning how to love again - a process that is far from completion with lots of up & downs.

I really wanted 2015 to be over. But, it keeps popping up in my mind, and I keep wondering... I keep telling myself it was just a bad year and everything will get better now that our lives seem to be heading a steady path... But the phantoms haven't vanished and my heart hasn't healed from all these troubled years [in Portugal].

Memory can be your worst enemy or your liberator.

180º

Yeap.

For the past two years my life changed more than in 10 years or so.  Big life changes are often unexpected and ... positive!

Let's see... Finished a post-graduation on pharmaceutical medicine (after doing a PhD), married the love of my life, travelled to the other side of the world for three weeks - Hong Kong, Macau & Thailand - came back to start a dead-end 1-year Post-doc (no future perspective...), found out I was pregnant 1 month later, and when I was approaching my 7th month pregnancy I started a (dream) new job in a company 5 min drive from home...!

Fate or hard work? I don't believe in fate.... but I don't feel like I've worked that hard either... so, maybe it's just luck! :-)  And when luck strikes... you grab the opportunity and don't look back! :)

3 months and 23 days ago I was giving birth to my daughter (00h05). Natural birth, no analgesics, quick and almost pain-free. What a beautiful moment to see that small little baby with lots of hair on my chest.  She's been good to us. Crying and sleepless nights seem like a long time ago, and her smile is now, often, the best part of my day. I love you my little Leonor, and I love your father :)

Today I am a bigger person and maybe a little bit more selfish. I think of my family first. And by family I mean my husband and my daughter, they are my top priority now.
Not my mother, my father, my grandmother or grandfather, or my 'in-laws'.  And no, I will not apologise if I sound narcissist or insensitive or cold-blooded.  Our parents and grand parents tend to forget how they managed their own lives, how they put their family first in the past. How they emigrated to foreign countries and travelled careless, how they enjoyed their lives far from their own parents, how they lived happy lives with friends they called 'family'.  Now, they demand more and more of our little free time, and pretend to be victims of our little will to visit them... Shame on you!

I don't and I won't tolerate possessive and spoiled people under any circumstances. And I will certainly not compromise the well-being of my family (both physical and psychological) for endless complaints and self-centred conversations.

After taking a deep breath all I can think is... it's just two to four days a month... and a couple more over Christmas holidays...! Let's just ignore the stupid comments and enjoy the good moments and the relaxed conversations when they arise!

Anyway... Back to work next Tuesday! Back to my life, my routine... really excited to be back! And yes, I won't see my daughter 24/7 but that's ok, I need it, she needs it, her father needs it (he'll stay home with her for almost 2 months)!

All good, no need to pretend what's supposed to be 'socially acceptable'. I'm different, I'm happy, I make others happy, and that's all that matters :D

                           Keep breathing, keep smiling ;)

 

Hello there!

If curiosity brought you here, then welcome to my world! :)

I like cats. I'm a 'morning' person: I like to wake up at 7 am on a sunny Sunday in the summer, have a fulfilling breakfast and go out for a walk or for a bicycle ride. I enjoy smiling to strangers walking their dogs or their kids while strolling around this small town.


I arrived in Cantanhede roughly two years ago. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, with blue skies, olive trees all over the place, a peaceful environment full of apparently happy people. Perfect scenario to write up a thesis!

Apart from my partner I didn't know anyone here. I didn't had a car or a bike at the time, and to reach the nearest town it could take me 1h30. As the days went by, I desperately needed to meet people and get some new numbers in my cellphone, for a coffee!

I signed up for the gym - I am gym person. I don't take group classes, due to my lack of coordination skills I end up spending the whole class laughing and being a distraction to others... :) So, I kept my gym routine, lifting weights slowly, pushing the limits on the mat, and chatting with healthy active people! I met great people who I can call friends today.

Next, I joined the 'Associação de voluntariado de Cantanhede' looking for a small project where I could be useful.  My task was to engage the young children in the recycling process while they are at school: the less bulky garbage the school produces, the more it can save in the monthly payments spent on rubbish collection. So, I prepared a talk where I explained the importance of producing less rubbish and to split the one we produce, which in turn had a direct impact in their school's conditions both financially and environmentally. I was amazed by their ability to listen, to ask questions, their interest in being part of solution as a whole, and how most of them already recycled at home.

Since my return to Portugal I had decided to quit research as I know it. I wanted to do something else, to work towards some realistic goal with an impact on people's lives. I felt I could use some training and I signed up for a post-graduation in pharmaceutical medicine. I really enjoyed the course. I met people working in the pharmaceutical industry, in biotech companies and from governmental regulatory bodies. All of them seemed to have a busy and dynamic life, full of commitments and responsibilities, which looked fascinating to me. Most of them are passionate about what they do, despite the countless hours they put on the job. I wanted to feel that way again.

I looked for any internship in the clinical research field, I contacted numerous recruiters, head of departments, hospitals and medical research centers: they either didn't had vacancies or they didn't want to have a PhD working along them. Sometimes I think I tried too hard, I must have looked desperate, when really I just wanted to be productive and feel useful to society.
I finally got an interview in March for a 6-month internship in Lisbon for the minimum wage starting in September 2013. Despite my contacts I only heard back from them on the 30th July, the day after I signed up for the post-doc position. I turned down the offer but I managed to pass it over to a younger student from the course. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. I got married on the 27th July, talking about life-changing decisions in 3 days in a row! ;)

I haven't stopped looking for an opportunity in biotech/clinical research industry, but I cannot afford to be out of a job for longer periods of time. I also took a couple of part-time jobs during the post-graduation course: one as a marketing agent for a brand of credit cards (Unibanco) and another one as a consultant agent at an insurance company. Both of them involved direct contact with the public and a sense of 'product value' that I hadn't experienced before.


And that's it... my life so far in Cantanhede since 2012! :) Looking forward for new challenges!

Devotion

Devotion

To Life
To Love
To Friendship
To Family
To Freedom
To Health
To Yourself
To Others

This word popped in my mind... don't know why, or maybe I do. I feel I'm not devoting enough time to any of those above, and all because of the evil words WORK (unpaid work by the way...!) and MONEY.
It is unfortunate that work and money can influence our lives so much. How did we get here? I am tired of being a prisoner of goods I cannot afford, I do not want and which I know I do not miss or need. 
I feel a huge weight over my shoulders, coming from the people who should be my number one supporters... the same who promised unconditional love ever after. And it hurts. It hurts like hell knowing you've got someone so close telling lies about you on your back. Planting ideas in people's minds that aren't true. I hate you. And you can't even read English.
I am coward and selfish. I rather keep everything still than to speak up once and for all. I can't. There are innocents who depend on the devil to survive. Literally. And even though they have few years left to live they have to put up with all the hate, anger, disrespect from those they helped to rise. It's sad.
Revenge serves no purpose but to transform you in your own enemy. But sometimes feels like that's all you've got left in your heart... so you need to fight it with Love and more Love and tender Love...

Oh sweet energy of the universe... fill my mind and my chest with warm thoughts and let them breed!

I wish you a night of hope...


 

New Year, New Life...

... and we're in 2013! Wow!

Time flies... First thought in: this is the year I'll turn 30. I look back and I like what I see :) I feel good and wouldn't have done it in any other way :) ... And I've never been SO in Love! ;)

I feel like a new cycle is about to start and I look forward for the new challenges ahead.
Tomorrow is the "first day of my life" in many years: I'm starting a part-time job as an administrative in a consulting firm. I'll be responsible for the paperwork, insurance simulations and contracts. I'm also getting training on the new rules for the electricity market that will be in place in 2015 after a 2-year transition period. So... no, nothing to do with clinical trials (apparently I'm too high skilled for those jobs.. lol), but I'm really excited!! :):) I'm addicted to new challenges, to new knowledge, to transformation... just can't help it! The guy actually hired me even though I told him I didn't want to make this my full-time job and I could leave anytime.. because I'm actually looking for a position in the pharmaceutical industry, but he appreciated my honesty and my pro-active attitude in doing what it takes to get my ass out of home and generate value!

I realize I have to take few steps back and explain where I stand these days. Let's start with the "unfinished" business: PhD. I had my defense last November, I really enjoyed the 2,5 hour discussion, I passed! And I got my list of minor corrections last month, which I haven't started on yet... but should do so pretty soon! Anyway, already feels like a closed chapter :)

Back in October last year, I started a post-graduation in pharmaceutical medicine at the university of Aveiro (www.pharmaceutical-medicine.pt) in order to pursuit a career in the clinical research field - most of which is sponsored by the pharmaceutical industry.  It's been a very interesting journey and so far it has exceeded my expectations.  Unfortunately, despite all my efforts to find an entry-level or a trainee position as a clinical research assistant, I am yet to find a job where I can use my past experience as a researcher and my training in pharmaceutical medicine to contribute to a much needed change in the health business paradigm in Portugal: create the conditions to bring more clinical trials to our country and with it external investment,and thus more jobs. But most importantly, to bring new alternative therapies for our patients that our country couldn't access or pay for otherwise.

One of the things I've heard lately is that recruiters and employers fear that recruiting "highly-skilled" people (which are nothing but PhD geeks to their eyes) for administrative/regulatory jobs will eventually lead to demotivation of the employee... Well, let me tell you two things: first, although I need  to have a job (ANY) to feel useful and mentally healthy (after all one of the very basic definitions of being Human is to be Social), I don't need an interesting job to have an interesting and challenging life (though money does help! basic rule - work to survive); second and most important: your work is what you make of it, and if my goal in few years time is to be part of a team that puts together a clinical trial protocol, starting as a data entry manager or monitor will give me access to a lot of information which I can use to learn and evolve - that's the difference between being a "trapped" genius and being a pro-active averagely intelligent person...! From my point of view... Anyway, what a pointless discussion... I'm just so tired of being labelled !!!
Why can't people just look at my PhD as a long term project that I successfully finished, and like in any other project I had to handle a great deal of frustration, criticism, ignorance; I had to manage my time, set milestones, make choices and accept them, because that's what my PhD journey meant to me - overcome but also learn from my limitations, overcome myself !!
And I can and will do it  all over again in whatever workd field I choose to pursuit.

Meantime, I'll just enjoy having a regular job after having spent 6 years of my life in academia. What a Joy :)


A luta continua! ;)

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Five years ago I joined the PhD program in Computational Biology (PDBC) hosted by the Gulbenkian Institute for Science for what turned out to be the longest and more challenging professional project so far.

I want to start by thanking the PDBC direction and in particular Jorge Carneiro for believing in my abilities and giving me the opportunity to pursuit a PhD project in a field of my choice. I also thank you Manuela Cordeiro for being always available to help sorting out any bureaucratic details. 

I would also like to acknowledge the financial support I received from the Foundation for Science and Technology (FCT), Siemens SA Portugal and Fundação Calouste Gulbenkian, which sponsored my enrolment in PDBC, financed my PhD project and allowed my participation in national and international conferences.

I thank you my main supervisor, Dr Jan-Ulrich Kreft for welcoming me in his group, for his guidance and teaching (and perseverance), for the exhausting and living discussions, for his negative and positive feedback, all of which contributed to build up my critical spirit.  I would also like to thank you Professor Chris Thomas, my co-supervisor, for taking time in sharing his vast and detailed knowledge on plasmid biology and advice on experimental design, for listening and discussing my project ideas. 

Most of my time at the University of Birmingham was spent in the Centre for Systems Biology surrounded by open-minded and creative people with whom I have shared many healthy laughs but also deep scientific discussions.  In particular, I would like to thank you my fellow PhD students Dorota, Bhima, Chinmay, Olga, Rafik, Ralf and Rob and our past post-doc Susanne for their sincere friendship and support.  I also want to thank you Claudia, Francis, Hansong, Pedro, Roshini and Sudha for their friendship and for fulfilling my free time with high quality humour and organizing outstanding social and musical events!

Many thanks must also go to all the members of the T101 Lab in the School of Biosciences, which welcomed me in their lab meetings, helped me finding space to set up my lab bench and introduced me to all the central services routines.  I also thank you the members of Professor Chris Thomas' group for the help with the strain and plasmid collections.

I would also like to thank you my past students, namely Hayley Gibbins and Zuha Khan, for the fulfilling experience of teaching basic plasmid biology and microbiology techniques and witnessing their evolution towards autonomous undergraduate researchers.

I also want to thank you my fellow colleagues from the PDBC 2007 edition, namely Afonso, Assunção, Bruno, Hugo F., Hugo M., Paula, Ricardo, Rodrigo, Susana and Zé, for making the first year of PDBC such a lively time and for their companionship throughout the tough project assignments.

I heartily thank you my parents and grandparents for their life lessons, for their relentless support and unconditional love, for their encouragement to pursuit my dreams wherever they might take me, and for taking care of my financial needs during the writing up period of my PhD thesis.

Finally, I want to thank you my beloved boyfriend, Nuno, for his relentless support to all my endeavours, for listening, for seeing the best in me and above all for loving me with no reservations.  Thank you for taking the risk of coming to UK to work and live with me, for making it a memorable year and lighting up my soul in my weakest moments. 

Obrigado!

Bring it on.

All my life I've worked hard to not disappoint my peers, to be worth of their compliment, to make them proud, trusting they knew better how to make the world a better place and they could teach me how to do it as well.
Oh holly innocence... Humans will always be humans, with all their inherent flaws and working-on virtues. Perfection is utopia. Yet we all fall for perfectionists, we idolater them. "I will take you high" they say. But they never take the first jump into the air. At the end you're left with dust, dried soil, dead souls crushed by the everlasting know-better creature. And the creature grows unaware of its growing solitude while the World keeps spinning.
The observer awakes. Experiences an excruciating pain, and grieve is the only thing left to feel. He's exhausted and decides to intervene before it's too late. The reaction has been started. There is no turning point.

New Year, New Life!

Happy to Year of 2012!!

13 days to leave the Island... Birmingham, UK!

And go back, back to my Life, my World, my Home... :)

Love, Laugh and lots of Light! That's how my 2012 is going to be:)

Wishing you all the best time of your Lives.

:)

Keep it cynical, keep it going

Back in business.

Focus on the goal, in the end that's all it really matters.

:)

The beginning of the end

At last... I have the final, final, final time plan that will take me out of the island forever!

I'm going to use all my forces to stick with it. No more ideas, no more questions. Enough. I've had enough of bad research management. Tired of pseudo-academics.

So... here I am, calm and anxious at the same time... ticking boxes is all I can think of:) Until the day I pack my last suitcase and move in with Portugal:)

Good Vibes for all of you out there!! Free yourselves, you only live once:)

Letting go...

And that's it!

I've made my mind, I've made up my mind about my priorities. And the lab is no longer one :( Unfortunately...

Looking back, I can see too much time spent on fruitless details... bad time management, too many things at the same time... too many people to please, and above all myself and my selfish ego.

But now it's time to move on and maximize the profit of what I've worked on for 3 years: my models.

The rest remain as projects for future generations... they certainly will have an entire experimental project plan which they can follow almost with their eyes closed! So I hope someone picks it up and takes plasmid biology to the next level.

I'm left with writing and supervising a summer student for two months, most probably the last time I'll be in the lab.

And... speaking of which, time to wrap up the methods section for sub-sequential peer revision...

See you and me soon!

Purpose of Life

Have we forgot why we're here? Do we need a reason? Rational or spiritual?

The world is upside down and everyone is just trying to get through Life... instead of really appreciating it.

I do that all the time... I worry, I cry, I get anxious for reasons that aren't real, I make plans, I stumble, I wake up, I smile, I laugh... and then I feel guilty because I've wasted "precious" time.

I try to remember myself how lucky I am for having a warm bed, clean water to drink, food on the table, money in the bank and unconditional Love. It seems like I have it all, but all I can see is that everything can vanish in a fraction of a second. Nothing is for sure, the future is an open road and it's up to me to make the best of it.

No certainties, but infinite possibilities. I thought that's what I wanted, but as I get old I just want to become a "robot". Do the 9am-5pm work, go to the gym, come home, cook dinner, watch a movie, read a book chapter and go to sleep!

Baaaahhhhh! I need something to strive for! Not sure science fulfills my needs... but what else do I know how to do? Well... I'm a fast learner, that's for sure.

I've come to the conclusion that it's easier to be sad and miserable than to be happy and pro-active!

The really hard work is to implement happiness on a daily-basis.

From now on I will ONLY be HAPPY! :)

2011 - The "D" year

I still remember the first time I wrote in this blog. The longest journey of my life so far was about to begin. The challenging project, new knowledge laying ahead just to be found and put together by my clinical eye. Perfection! The ultimate goal. So many projects, ideas to test... concepts to be introduced. I was even thrilled with the meetings! Meetings, individual or in group, journal clubs, departmental and school seminars, workshops, post-graduate classes, time management, scientific writing courses, conferences (the best I take with me!)... All this time running through my fingers into disposable hours, minutes, seconds... that cannot be claimed back!

And now... we've reached the bending point as I like to call it... The tension, pressure and deadlines accumulated during these two years are about to burst into either productive output or complete despair and disappointment.

I don't usually start the year in such an anxious note, but this what I feel today. It should be gone by tomorrow once I get my eyes on all the work I have to get done. It's going to a very long year...

Fortunately there's a light at the end of the tunnel, the one that keeps me going... the beautiful memories I have from Home, Portugal, from my people, honest, simple, happy, generous, intelligent people. And in particular, those who are close to me... I can't wait to get back to you all, and be at a distance of a few hours drive...

No, I don't regret coming to UK, to this particular city, university or even project. If it wasn't for it I wouldn't have met all the people I met and that are now part of my life. I wouldn't have travelled as much as I did and learned about other research all around the world, not to mention the inspiring personal life stories... I'm 27 years old, and lately that's becoming a heavy weight to carry. I see people launched into careers of all kinds... and I'm finishing a PhD that although fulfills my selfish biological curiosity, it doesn't guarantee me any further employment nor the opportunity to change the world in some way... and that is the painful truth. I came for the challenge, for the need to prove myself I was capable of undertaking a huge project and deliver new insights into plasmid ecology, using both modelling and experiments. How does that contribute to the ecological/environmental strategy of my country? How does it fit with my vision of changing environmental policies ? How will it take me to the next "job"? I'm sure it can get me into a basic research project... but is that really what I want? I don't know... I need another challenge, other skills... and I'm just not sure if I have enough time to acquire them all before I get old and older...

The "D" year: decisions, dedication and daily work.

... to be continued ...

Back in the Wet Lab!

I am now fully installed in the "wet" lab and running!:)

It's been 3 years and a couple of months since I've prepared solutions, agar plates, PCR, agarose gels, bacterial cultures, extracted plasmid DNA... and it felt so GOOD to do it all again! :) But.... it has its drawbacks... I had forgotten how tiring it can be, how time itself cannot be speeded up... quite the opposite, in the lab time is a precious variable:) You forget to drink water, to eat in the mid-morning and mid-afternoon, you stop going to the gym... well at least I walk around back and forth quite a lot hehe that must count as exercise because my legs complaint at the end of the day!

What an adventure... yet another:) to start up a lab, making various constructs that'll take months.. and then finally run the hypothesis-driven experiments! "What a feeling...!" lol Yeah, it's tough... I have to conjugate (this word has totally different meaning for me now) both theoretical work (lots of in silico simulations to do) and out-of-control lab work and... supervision of a student. Nonetheless, it's worth and would do it all again.

It's going to be a very long year... but hopefully productive, fun, exciting and challenging as always ;)

Work, work, work... there's more life beyond the rediscovery of pipetting and growing fluorescent bacteria!... but right now, my eppendorf tubes are taking over... There's so much to be done... before I can go back... home!...

And home... in this precise moment is bed! I need a good night of sleep!

Bye bye*

Inspiration

When the wave of inspiration hits you, suddenly you feel alive, a living genius! Everything makes sense, everything seems worthy... All the time you invested in literature research and designing the perfect experiment is certainly the best excuse for not finishing some other project. It's a great feeling, until you start seeing the flaws. The doubts take over your reasoning, the uncertainties make you question what's the real question... is it about advancing the knowledge or is it about your ego?

When you think you have an hypothesis worth to share, and you think you've figured out a way of demonstrating its veracity... You really feel important! At least I did... But I've had enough of ideas... of plans... of projects... I wanna get in there and do it! How long...?

You ever feel guilty for wasting time? I do... What is "wasting time"? I guess for me it's all the time I spend looking at the sealing wondering if this or that wouldn't be possible and why and how... instead of working on what's here now waiting to be wrapped up, put together and... thrown to the big fishes!... And the time goes by... and I just love to come up with more and more ideas... especially when I finally started to understand something about the field!! (2 years later...! yes, I can be slow)...

And then... there's the YOUR Life, the real adventure! The big picture...

Where's the time for that when you choose to do a "successful" PhD? Because for me there's a difference between just doing enough to get that title or to do your BEST to deserve it. I've been in between these two definitions many times... Usually what feeds my motivation to do my best is knowing where the money comes from. And to honor the confidence that the people who had the power to decide whether I got the money or not, deposited on me. Then, there are the times when I feel that my work is incredibly interesting (a couple of weeks a year) or that it will actually get me some credit even (ego speaking). Yes, there is passion... a huge curiosity that never gets satisfied... but also disappointment about what has been done so far and why it has been done that way. I like to think of myself as the "get-the-job-done" person. But lately I find it hard... I discovered I can think for myself, I can come up with my own questions... The trouble is that the world keeps spinning and my funding will eventually run out! lol I have to do what I have to do... and get over with it.

Work, work, work... Patrick wherever you are, you were right: science is addictive, and once you're in you can't get it out of your system.

Sushi, cakes and tarts...

Eating good food is one of my favorite activities, as for most Portuguese people! Am I right?! ;) Feeding is welcoming, is a way socializing, of breaking the ice, is a Life choice! And... the more the better...

I have never been adventurous enough to cook any complicated meals or any meal that required more than 1 hour of work on my own... Perhaps, because I always had my mum and grand-mum cooking delicious meals for me:) Even throughout college... thank you Tupperware! It's a pity they can't mail to this damn island...

Recently, that is, since Nuno came to UK, I have been more pro-active... always conquer the man through his bailey! :D Until one day I got home and there was SUSHI in the fridge!!!!!!!! And it was a Friday!!

The 31st July 2010!

The Friday where home-made Sushi began! And now... it's hard not to fall for the temptation of preparing sushi everyday... Yesterday we prepared some more (on the left) and there's fish left in the freezer for the next time... What an addiction!

And it's not that difficult at all. All you need is rice vinegar,, sushi rice, water, salt, sugar, algae leafs... and fish, smoked or fresh and raw vegetables at your choice! And of course... Wasabi and Soya! :)

It is delicious...

But of course... a good diet is a diverse diet, and no diet is complete without chocolate or other sweets! :) One of my favorite desserts is my mother's apple tart... On the other hand, Nuno's favorite chocolate's cake is his mum's cake. So... to be fair we ought to do both! :) What a happy weekend...!

And here is the result of a well spent afternoon! But...

The chocolate cake didn't taste exactly the same... should have used more cacao and less milk chocolate. Still, there was nothing left after 3 days...

The tart was salty, didn't know what's the equivalent of "margarina" in english, so I went for the butter... big mistake... Nonetheless, we ate everything!! lol ... And they surely look good on the screen :D I just made another one

today using vegetable "butter" with no salt, which resulted in a perfect tasty pastry :)

Another favorite dish that me and Nuno absolutely love (!!!) is "Francesinha",

a typical dish from Porto (which actually has its origins in a french recipe).

The secret lies in its sauce: a tomato-beer-based sauce that transforms a simple toast of meat and cheese into a surprisingly tasty meal! Spicy, but not too much and with such a characteristic flavor and smell that you can't miss it!

It's a proper, heavy meal to watch football and drink beer (Super Bock or Sagres)!

And today we're making some more... because it's football time! Supertaça FCPorto-SLBenfica!

Allez Porto Allez!

When Dreams come True

You know when you want something to happen so badly that Life without it becomes unbearable?

And then... it comes the day when the dream, the anxiety, the doubts... vanish! And you're finally living the Life you dreamed of :) You feel fulfilled, happier than you can remember of... and yet, it only lasts if you continue to work hard... :)

Life is a roller coaster... But not so much. If you engage and take responsibility for your acts and thoughts, you may control how long it'll take to get you to the next curve... Head up, head down... Heart beating, heart stopped, still breathing!

Adaptation is a sign of intelligence. Love is also adaptation. One has to accept other's views, habits, needs, flaws... but if you are aware of all these small things and you still feel your body trembling every-time you cross each other's eyes... you can't be wrong ;)

It's only when someone challenges your certainties that you realize how stubborn you can be sometimes... I can't imagine living with another self! And I've been living on my own for quite a time... I forgot what it is to trust someone to do simple things... to recognize their effort... I am also trying to get back on track ;)

Living with your better half is the biggest challenge that your Love will ever face. Spending quality time can be hard when you see the same face everyday. Understanding or ignoring can be a tough decision but both are important at times. Learning to remain silent is also an important skill!

Ohhh but what can I say? Go for it! :)

I'm in Love!

What do I do?

I've just realized that I haven't told you what exactly am I doing to deserve 3-year PhD fellowship abroad financed by the Ministry of Science (aka FCT) from Portugal.

I can't believe I'm actually going to do my best to justify the ~35000€ that my government spends with my PhD EVERY Year, but I'll try.

Most of the times I think there's no plausible justification for this but then again the ministers themselves do even less and they keep fucking the country at their will every single day... and at least I try to elevate the name of my country as higher as I possible can!

I basically spend my days in front a of a computer trying to figure out why some types of plasmids are more successful than others in certain scenarios and not in others. Aren't lost yet? Let me help with some background information:

Plasmids are extra-chromosomal DNA molecules that can replicate

autonomously and some can also transfer themselves among bacteria. The transfer process also known as "sex in bacteria" is carried out through a mating bridge that allows the passage of one strand of plasmid DNA between the donor and the recipient cells. Moreover, they

often carry various genes for antibiotic resistance which allows pathogenic bacteria to escape antibiotic treatments.

However, in situations where the genes encoded by the plasmid aren't advantageous for its host, the cost of carrying this extra piece of DNA that relies on the host's resources to replicate and transfer can be high.

Plasmids with the ability of infecting and replicating in very different hosts (e.g. RK2 plasmid can replicate and transfer in both E. coli from the gut and P. putida found in soil) are named Broad-Host Range (BHR). They are expected to confer a high metabolic burden to their host since the frequent swapping between hosts should not allow enough time for co-evolution between plasmid and host. Other plasmids that can only be maintained in a small group of related hosts (e.g. F plasmid can only replicate in E. coli) are known as Narrow-Host Range (NHR) plasmids, and since they are well-adapted to their hosts the metabolic burden they impose is very small.

Previous studies have showed that higher transfer rates tend to be observed in dense microbial communities such as biofilms, i.e., aggregate of cells growing on a surface. In contrast, in a well-mixed bulk liquid environment plasmid-bearing cells are quickly outcompeted by plasmid-free cells unless the transfer rate at which the plasmid infects the population overcomes the fitness costs associated with its carriage.

And... to simulate all these events I use an Individual-based model, iDynoMiCS, but also standard mass action models based on differential equations simulated with Matlab.

And then the result looks somewhat like this:

And.. that's it for today... I can assure you there's more to this...! lol Still, not yet enough to save the world from Humanity!...

Hot days in Birmingham!

Yes, it looks like Summer is hitting Birmingham this weekend! If they were walking almost naked already, imagine it now!... I have to stop making these ironic statements, nothing good can come out of them... but what the hell I have to blame SOMEONE!

It's a warm evening, I'm wearing a t-shirt and shorts and I don't feel cold :)

It's nice. What's not nice is me being locked up at home in such a great evening... but tomorrow will come... and that's going to be a pretty crazy night!... Lady's only!

With this warm weather I can't get stressed, even if I have experiments to run, an article and a 21 month report to write until the 25th of June! Muahahahah... I guess I'll just have to "pull out a Macgyver" and do everything on my knee as usual!...

So much is about to come true in the second half of the year... :) I will finally have some company at home... no more sleeping alone :):):)

I'm going to America for the first time! Both North and South! lol That's going to be something... Though I think I'll only be going back to the South part!...

Hopefully I'll be back to the wet lab... doing some genetics and using plasmids as the object of study and not simply as a vector! playing with fluorescence:):):)

And... of course most of all I want the unexpected to happen! Good or Bad? Catch me if you can :D

Honesty, politics and bullshit

I just realized "bullshit" is formed of two words "bull" + "shit". I guess bulls shit a lot, but at least they do it in front of everyone, not like Us, Humans. We like to shit in secrecy don't we? Oh yeah, it feels so good. It's all about pleasure as Freud would argue.

Honesty... nothing but mind games. So much energy wasted, so much invested in emptiness, only to fulfill someone's Ego. But as I read somewhere today, never regret the efforts you put into something even if it doesn't lead you anywhere. Because just the fact that you did it without expecting nothing in return makes you THE bigger person :) And I am a Big Girl in a Big Big World...

Politics... the art of management! The art of convincing people that there is no way out but to follow their rules. The art of being in debt with everyone but living as the king of the world. Tricky game. Lies always float but they'll eventually drown you.

And isn't it Ironic?