Devotion

Devotion

To Life
To Love
To Friendship
To Family
To Freedom
To Health
To Yourself
To Others

This word popped in my mind... don't know why, or maybe I do. I feel I'm not devoting enough time to any of those above, and all because of the evil words WORK (unpaid work by the way...!) and MONEY.
It is unfortunate that work and money can influence our lives so much. How did we get here? I am tired of being a prisoner of goods I cannot afford, I do not want and which I know I do not miss or need. 
I feel a huge weight over my shoulders, coming from the people who should be my number one supporters... the same who promised unconditional love ever after. And it hurts. It hurts like hell knowing you've got someone so close telling lies about you on your back. Planting ideas in people's minds that aren't true. I hate you. And you can't even read English.
I am coward and selfish. I rather keep everything still than to speak up once and for all. I can't. There are innocents who depend on the devil to survive. Literally. And even though they have few years left to live they have to put up with all the hate, anger, disrespect from those they helped to rise. It's sad.
Revenge serves no purpose but to transform you in your own enemy. But sometimes feels like that's all you've got left in your heart... so you need to fight it with Love and more Love and tender Love...

Oh sweet energy of the universe... fill my mind and my chest with warm thoughts and let them breed!

I wish you a night of hope...


 

New Year, New Life...

... and we're in 2013! Wow!

Time flies... First thought in: this is the year I'll turn 30. I look back and I like what I see :) I feel good and wouldn't have done it in any other way :) ... And I've never been SO in Love! ;)

I feel like a new cycle is about to start and I look forward for the new challenges ahead.
Tomorrow is the "first day of my life" in many years: I'm starting a part-time job as an administrative in a consulting firm. I'll be responsible for the paperwork, insurance simulations and contracts. I'm also getting training on the new rules for the electricity market that will be in place in 2015 after a 2-year transition period. So... no, nothing to do with clinical trials (apparently I'm too high skilled for those jobs.. lol), but I'm really excited!! :):) I'm addicted to new challenges, to new knowledge, to transformation... just can't help it! The guy actually hired me even though I told him I didn't want to make this my full-time job and I could leave anytime.. because I'm actually looking for a position in the pharmaceutical industry, but he appreciated my honesty and my pro-active attitude in doing what it takes to get my ass out of home and generate value!

I realize I have to take few steps back and explain where I stand these days. Let's start with the "unfinished" business: PhD. I had my defense last November, I really enjoyed the 2,5 hour discussion, I passed! And I got my list of minor corrections last month, which I haven't started on yet... but should do so pretty soon! Anyway, already feels like a closed chapter :)

Back in October last year, I started a post-graduation in pharmaceutical medicine at the university of Aveiro (www.pharmaceutical-medicine.pt) in order to pursuit a career in the clinical research field - most of which is sponsored by the pharmaceutical industry.  It's been a very interesting journey and so far it has exceeded my expectations.  Unfortunately, despite all my efforts to find an entry-level or a trainee position as a clinical research assistant, I am yet to find a job where I can use my past experience as a researcher and my training in pharmaceutical medicine to contribute to a much needed change in the health business paradigm in Portugal: create the conditions to bring more clinical trials to our country and with it external investment,and thus more jobs. But most importantly, to bring new alternative therapies for our patients that our country couldn't access or pay for otherwise.

One of the things I've heard lately is that recruiters and employers fear that recruiting "highly-skilled" people (which are nothing but PhD geeks to their eyes) for administrative/regulatory jobs will eventually lead to demotivation of the employee... Well, let me tell you two things: first, although I need  to have a job (ANY) to feel useful and mentally healthy (after all one of the very basic definitions of being Human is to be Social), I don't need an interesting job to have an interesting and challenging life (though money does help! basic rule - work to survive); second and most important: your work is what you make of it, and if my goal in few years time is to be part of a team that puts together a clinical trial protocol, starting as a data entry manager or monitor will give me access to a lot of information which I can use to learn and evolve - that's the difference between being a "trapped" genius and being a pro-active averagely intelligent person...! From my point of view... Anyway, what a pointless discussion... I'm just so tired of being labelled !!!
Why can't people just look at my PhD as a long term project that I successfully finished, and like in any other project I had to handle a great deal of frustration, criticism, ignorance; I had to manage my time, set milestones, make choices and accept them, because that's what my PhD journey meant to me - overcome but also learn from my limitations, overcome myself !!
And I can and will do it  all over again in whatever workd field I choose to pursuit.

Meantime, I'll just enjoy having a regular job after having spent 6 years of my life in academia. What a Joy :)


A luta continua! ;)

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Five years ago I joined the PhD program in Computational Biology (PDBC) hosted by the Gulbenkian Institute for Science for what turned out to be the longest and more challenging professional project so far.

I want to start by thanking the PDBC direction and in particular Jorge Carneiro for believing in my abilities and giving me the opportunity to pursuit a PhD project in a field of my choice. I also thank you Manuela Cordeiro for being always available to help sorting out any bureaucratic details. 

I would also like to acknowledge the financial support I received from the Foundation for Science and Technology (FCT), Siemens SA Portugal and Fundação Calouste Gulbenkian, which sponsored my enrolment in PDBC, financed my PhD project and allowed my participation in national and international conferences.

I thank you my main supervisor, Dr Jan-Ulrich Kreft for welcoming me in his group, for his guidance and teaching (and perseverance), for the exhausting and living discussions, for his negative and positive feedback, all of which contributed to build up my critical spirit.  I would also like to thank you Professor Chris Thomas, my co-supervisor, for taking time in sharing his vast and detailed knowledge on plasmid biology and advice on experimental design, for listening and discussing my project ideas. 

Most of my time at the University of Birmingham was spent in the Centre for Systems Biology surrounded by open-minded and creative people with whom I have shared many healthy laughs but also deep scientific discussions.  In particular, I would like to thank you my fellow PhD students Dorota, Bhima, Chinmay, Olga, Rafik, Ralf and Rob and our past post-doc Susanne for their sincere friendship and support.  I also want to thank you Claudia, Francis, Hansong, Pedro, Roshini and Sudha for their friendship and for fulfilling my free time with high quality humour and organizing outstanding social and musical events!

Many thanks must also go to all the members of the T101 Lab in the School of Biosciences, which welcomed me in their lab meetings, helped me finding space to set up my lab bench and introduced me to all the central services routines.  I also thank you the members of Professor Chris Thomas' group for the help with the strain and plasmid collections.

I would also like to thank you my past students, namely Hayley Gibbins and Zuha Khan, for the fulfilling experience of teaching basic plasmid biology and microbiology techniques and witnessing their evolution towards autonomous undergraduate researchers.

I also want to thank you my fellow colleagues from the PDBC 2007 edition, namely Afonso, Assunção, Bruno, Hugo F., Hugo M., Paula, Ricardo, Rodrigo, Susana and Zé, for making the first year of PDBC such a lively time and for their companionship throughout the tough project assignments.

I heartily thank you my parents and grandparents for their life lessons, for their relentless support and unconditional love, for their encouragement to pursuit my dreams wherever they might take me, and for taking care of my financial needs during the writing up period of my PhD thesis.

Finally, I want to thank you my beloved boyfriend, Nuno, for his relentless support to all my endeavours, for listening, for seeing the best in me and above all for loving me with no reservations.  Thank you for taking the risk of coming to UK to work and live with me, for making it a memorable year and lighting up my soul in my weakest moments. 

Obrigado!

Bring it on.

All my life I've worked hard to not disappoint my peers, to be worth of their compliment, to make them proud, trusting they knew better how to make the world a better place and they could teach me how to do it as well.
Oh holly innocence... Humans will always be humans, with all their inherent flaws and working-on virtues. Perfection is utopia. Yet we all fall for perfectionists, we idolater them. "I will take you high" they say. But they never take the first jump into the air. At the end you're left with dust, dried soil, dead souls crushed by the everlasting know-better creature. And the creature grows unaware of its growing solitude while the World keeps spinning.
The observer awakes. Experiences an excruciating pain, and grieve is the only thing left to feel. He's exhausted and decides to intervene before it's too late. The reaction has been started. There is no turning point.

New Year, New Life!

Happy to Year of 2012!!

13 days to leave the Island... Birmingham, UK!

And go back, back to my Life, my World, my Home... :)

Love, Laugh and lots of Light! That's how my 2012 is going to be:)

Wishing you all the best time of your Lives.

:)

Keep it cynical, keep it going

Back in business.

Focus on the goal, in the end that's all it really matters.

:)

The beginning of the end

At last... I have the final, final, final time plan that will take me out of the island forever!

I'm going to use all my forces to stick with it. No more ideas, no more questions. Enough. I've had enough of bad research management. Tired of pseudo-academics.

So... here I am, calm and anxious at the same time... ticking boxes is all I can think of:) Until the day I pack my last suitcase and move in with Portugal:)

Good Vibes for all of you out there!! Free yourselves, you only live once:)