Keep it cynical, keep it going

Back in business.

Focus on the goal, in the end that's all it really matters.

:)

The beginning of the end

At last... I have the final, final, final time plan that will take me out of the island forever!

I'm going to use all my forces to stick with it. No more ideas, no more questions. Enough. I've had enough of bad research management. Tired of pseudo-academics.

So... here I am, calm and anxious at the same time... ticking boxes is all I can think of:) Until the day I pack my last suitcase and move in with Portugal:)

Good Vibes for all of you out there!! Free yourselves, you only live once:)

Letting go...

And that's it!

I've made my mind, I've made up my mind about my priorities. And the lab is no longer one :( Unfortunately...

Looking back, I can see too much time spent on fruitless details... bad time management, too many things at the same time... too many people to please, and above all myself and my selfish ego.

But now it's time to move on and maximize the profit of what I've worked on for 3 years: my models.

The rest remain as projects for future generations... they certainly will have an entire experimental project plan which they can follow almost with their eyes closed! So I hope someone picks it up and takes plasmid biology to the next level.

I'm left with writing and supervising a summer student for two months, most probably the last time I'll be in the lab.

And... speaking of which, time to wrap up the methods section for sub-sequential peer revision...

See you and me soon!

Purpose of Life

Have we forgot why we're here? Do we need a reason? Rational or spiritual?

The world is upside down and everyone is just trying to get through Life... instead of really appreciating it.

I do that all the time... I worry, I cry, I get anxious for reasons that aren't real, I make plans, I stumble, I wake up, I smile, I laugh... and then I feel guilty because I've wasted "precious" time.

I try to remember myself how lucky I am for having a warm bed, clean water to drink, food on the table, money in the bank and unconditional Love. It seems like I have it all, but all I can see is that everything can vanish in a fraction of a second. Nothing is for sure, the future is an open road and it's up to me to make the best of it.

No certainties, but infinite possibilities. I thought that's what I wanted, but as I get old I just want to become a "robot". Do the 9am-5pm work, go to the gym, come home, cook dinner, watch a movie, read a book chapter and go to sleep!

Baaaahhhhh! I need something to strive for! Not sure science fulfills my needs... but what else do I know how to do? Well... I'm a fast learner, that's for sure.

I've come to the conclusion that it's easier to be sad and miserable than to be happy and pro-active!

The really hard work is to implement happiness on a daily-basis.

From now on I will ONLY be HAPPY! :)

2011 - The "D" year

I still remember the first time I wrote in this blog. The longest journey of my life so far was about to begin. The challenging project, new knowledge laying ahead just to be found and put together by my clinical eye. Perfection! The ultimate goal. So many projects, ideas to test... concepts to be introduced. I was even thrilled with the meetings! Meetings, individual or in group, journal clubs, departmental and school seminars, workshops, post-graduate classes, time management, scientific writing courses, conferences (the best I take with me!)... All this time running through my fingers into disposable hours, minutes, seconds... that cannot be claimed back!

And now... we've reached the bending point as I like to call it... The tension, pressure and deadlines accumulated during these two years are about to burst into either productive output or complete despair and disappointment.

I don't usually start the year in such an anxious note, but this what I feel today. It should be gone by tomorrow once I get my eyes on all the work I have to get done. It's going to a very long year...

Fortunately there's a light at the end of the tunnel, the one that keeps me going... the beautiful memories I have from Home, Portugal, from my people, honest, simple, happy, generous, intelligent people. And in particular, those who are close to me... I can't wait to get back to you all, and be at a distance of a few hours drive...

No, I don't regret coming to UK, to this particular city, university or even project. If it wasn't for it I wouldn't have met all the people I met and that are now part of my life. I wouldn't have travelled as much as I did and learned about other research all around the world, not to mention the inspiring personal life stories... I'm 27 years old, and lately that's becoming a heavy weight to carry. I see people launched into careers of all kinds... and I'm finishing a PhD that although fulfills my selfish biological curiosity, it doesn't guarantee me any further employment nor the opportunity to change the world in some way... and that is the painful truth. I came for the challenge, for the need to prove myself I was capable of undertaking a huge project and deliver new insights into plasmid ecology, using both modelling and experiments. How does that contribute to the ecological/environmental strategy of my country? How does it fit with my vision of changing environmental policies ? How will it take me to the next "job"? I'm sure it can get me into a basic research project... but is that really what I want? I don't know... I need another challenge, other skills... and I'm just not sure if I have enough time to acquire them all before I get old and older...

The "D" year: decisions, dedication and daily work.

... to be continued ...