2011 - The "D" year

I still remember the first time I wrote in this blog. The longest journey of my life so far was about to begin. The challenging project, new knowledge laying ahead just to be found and put together by my clinical eye. Perfection! The ultimate goal. So many projects, ideas to test... concepts to be introduced. I was even thrilled with the meetings! Meetings, individual or in group, journal clubs, departmental and school seminars, workshops, post-graduate classes, time management, scientific writing courses, conferences (the best I take with me!)... All this time running through my fingers into disposable hours, minutes, seconds... that cannot be claimed back!

And now... we've reached the bending point as I like to call it... The tension, pressure and deadlines accumulated during these two years are about to burst into either productive output or complete despair and disappointment.

I don't usually start the year in such an anxious note, but this what I feel today. It should be gone by tomorrow once I get my eyes on all the work I have to get done. It's going to a very long year...

Fortunately there's a light at the end of the tunnel, the one that keeps me going... the beautiful memories I have from Home, Portugal, from my people, honest, simple, happy, generous, intelligent people. And in particular, those who are close to me... I can't wait to get back to you all, and be at a distance of a few hours drive...

No, I don't regret coming to UK, to this particular city, university or even project. If it wasn't for it I wouldn't have met all the people I met and that are now part of my life. I wouldn't have travelled as much as I did and learned about other research all around the world, not to mention the inspiring personal life stories... I'm 27 years old, and lately that's becoming a heavy weight to carry. I see people launched into careers of all kinds... and I'm finishing a PhD that although fulfills my selfish biological curiosity, it doesn't guarantee me any further employment nor the opportunity to change the world in some way... and that is the painful truth. I came for the challenge, for the need to prove myself I was capable of undertaking a huge project and deliver new insights into plasmid ecology, using both modelling and experiments. How does that contribute to the ecological/environmental strategy of my country? How does it fit with my vision of changing environmental policies ? How will it take me to the next "job"? I'm sure it can get me into a basic research project... but is that really what I want? I don't know... I need another challenge, other skills... and I'm just not sure if I have enough time to acquire them all before I get old and older...

The "D" year: decisions, dedication and daily work.

... to be continued ...