2015 was a rough year. A roller-coaster of emotions with no pre-warning.
2015 was the year my daughter Leonor turned 1 year old, and yet I don't have one single photo of our 'family' together to remember her birthday party. And despite being partly my fault, it just tears me apart... Sometimes I hate the "family" concept.
2015 was a year of too many doubts, many tears, much wondering, many "what ifs...", a year of wasted time in personal terms. Too much pain and no gain.
In 2015 I didn't love myself enough. And that turned out to be my biggest mistake. You can't love others fully until you accept and love yourself. Happy people don't make the same mistake twice.
2015 was a year of fear... fear of failing, fear of quitting, fear of hating, fear of loving plenty, fear of loosing, fear of moving on...
2015 was also the year I realized that when two people have problems in their relationship they are the only ones to blame for. It's pointless to bring into your own home other people's attitudes and choices, it only increases their manipulative power over your own life.
2015 was also a year of reconciliation and learning how to love again - a process that is far from completion with lots of up & downs.
I really wanted 2015 to be over. But, it keeps popping up in my mind, and I keep wondering... I keep telling myself it was just a bad year and everything will get better now that our lives seem to be heading a steady path... But the phantoms haven't vanished and my heart hasn't healed from all these troubled years [in Portugal].
Memory can be your worst enemy or your liberator.
