Inspiration

When the wave of inspiration hits you, suddenly you feel alive, a living genius! Everything makes sense, everything seems worthy... All the time you invested in literature research and designing the perfect experiment is certainly the best excuse for not finishing some other project. It's a great feeling, until you start seeing the flaws. The doubts take over your reasoning, the uncertainties make you question what's the real question... is it about advancing the knowledge or is it about your ego?

When you think you have an hypothesis worth to share, and you think you've figured out a way of demonstrating its veracity... You really feel important! At least I did... But I've had enough of ideas... of plans... of projects... I wanna get in there and do it! How long...?

You ever feel guilty for wasting time? I do... What is "wasting time"? I guess for me it's all the time I spend looking at the sealing wondering if this or that wouldn't be possible and why and how... instead of working on what's here now waiting to be wrapped up, put together and... thrown to the big fishes!... And the time goes by... and I just love to come up with more and more ideas... especially when I finally started to understand something about the field!! (2 years later...! yes, I can be slow)...

And then... there's the YOUR Life, the real adventure! The big picture...

Where's the time for that when you choose to do a "successful" PhD? Because for me there's a difference between just doing enough to get that title or to do your BEST to deserve it. I've been in between these two definitions many times... Usually what feeds my motivation to do my best is knowing where the money comes from. And to honor the confidence that the people who had the power to decide whether I got the money or not, deposited on me. Then, there are the times when I feel that my work is incredibly interesting (a couple of weeks a year) or that it will actually get me some credit even (ego speaking). Yes, there is passion... a huge curiosity that never gets satisfied... but also disappointment about what has been done so far and why it has been done that way. I like to think of myself as the "get-the-job-done" person. But lately I find it hard... I discovered I can think for myself, I can come up with my own questions... The trouble is that the world keeps spinning and my funding will eventually run out! lol I have to do what I have to do... and get over with it.

Work, work, work... Patrick wherever you are, you were right: science is addictive, and once you're in you can't get it out of your system.